Unexplained Phenomena On The Internet
There are plenty of things in this world that have kept me up at night with threatened and panicked thoughts (thanks, Unsolved Mysteries!).
I’m talking about the unexplainable. Otherworldly things like alien abductions, hauntings, ghosts, crop circles, Bandolino slouch boots, the Taos Hum, and breakfast sandwiches.
I’m fascinated and repulsed, all at the same time.
Now that I spend a lot of time online, there are things about the internet that confuse me as well. Is there intelligent life to be found within the web?
TEN THINGS I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND (Interwebs edition)
1) Chain-letter-esque e-mail forwards.
Seriously, what the heck? Who believes in those still?
You know who you are!
Let it be resolved once and for all! There is NO Microsoft email tracking program test that pays you $5 for every person you forward to!
There are NOT bad guys hiding under your car at the mall with a rag soaked in ether and a knife ready to slice your Achilles!
If you DON’T forward to 10 “sisters”, it does NOT mean that you are ashamed of Jesus!
Just let it go! Be free!
Soothe your fears at Snopes.com and FactCheck.org
2) Imaginary gardens and other such things on Facebook.
I love Facebook. It allows me to stalk people from highschool without that awkwardness of being caught in their bushes with binoculars.
But I don’t understand why people are sending me pretend flowers, pretend bacon, pretend balloons, pretend hugs, the list goes on and on!
Where am I supposed to put all of these imaginary gifts? I just downsized my imaginary house a few months ago, you KNOW this. What I really want is imaginary quality time with YOU.
3) Automatic Direct Messages When Someone Follows You on Twitter
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Why would anyone do this? The collective internet society can all agree on one thing: SPAM is really annoying!
Now when I follow you on twitter, and suddenly I get a DM from you saying something like, “Thanks for the follow! Check out my cool shop at http://xtplm!” we are starting off on the wrong foot.
Spammy DM’s are the tyrant of my direct message box. I can’t even count in it for the intended purpose anymore. Plus I totally get a false sense of hope when I see a new DM, only to have it dashed to the ground by a cold splash of spammy reality.
4) Blog Comment Spam
Is the SPAM industry hiring? Because they must pay pretty well. I have had almost 100 spam comments on my blog EACH DAY this week. Hey now.
And while we are on the subject…
5) SPAM Topics
Why are they 90% obscene, and 10% pharmaceutical in nature? What exactly do these two industries have in common? *Wink wink, nudge nudge, knowwhatImean knowwhatImean, saynomore!*
6) Blogging Rivalries
This is a great big question mark in my mind. The internet is HUGE! There is no end to it (is there? Have you heard anything?), and it seems like it would be pretty easy to avoid someone who bugged you on the net. Unless they are harassing you somehow.
It isn’t like you have to see them every day in the carpool dropoff line, or they live next door and blast their music every evening at your toddler’s exact bedtime.
Just don’t click around there no mo!
7) Overly Demanding/Pushy Giveaway Winners
Some people win prizes on blogs, then they become extremely rude when I get their shipping information and am trying to get the prize fulfilled. How about an attitude of gratitude?
Google Page Rank
I don’t understand how it is determined and no one can explain it to me. When I ask questions I get vague responses like: “It is based on some kind of algorithms” and “It doesn’t really matter, what matters is the content of your site.”
Is that kind of how having acne somehow served to build my character?
Whether I grasp it or not, I will say that my self esteem correlates closely with Google Page Rank and my number of RSS Feed subscribers.
9) Companies that Jump On Board the Social Media Train Without Actually Having A Ticket
You want to go in a “new direction”, I get it, but you need to check your map to see where you are going first!
Basic no-no’s: using twitter to barf out slogans instead of having human-to-human interactions, using a blog for the same purpose, emailing mysterious pitches with no discernible relation to blogging or bloggers and no express call to action
10) People with an internet presence who have an inflated Ego About It
I probably do think you are amazing, I probably admire you as I aspire towards notoriety, but acting too big for your britches just doesn’t make sense. At the end of the day, I’m just a person with a web page. And you are too.
Somebody, school me.
……………….
Amazon Unexplained Phenomena links (but none about internet phenomenon):
The Rough Guide to Unexplained Phenomena 2 (Rough Guide Reference)
Unexplained!: 347 Strange Sightings, Incredible Occurrences, and Puzzling Physical Phenomena
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05 September 2009, 12:21 pm
my favorite is the last one. for sure. reminds me of all those kids who went to samford and came into O’s all the time. miss you, friend.
05 September 2009, 1:32 pm
I love it! Those are all things that I wonder about too - especially number 1!!!!!
05 September 2009, 2:23 pm
I’m in total agreement. I will say, however, that I love a good blogfight. Get the popcorn, the egos are at it again! I don’t know *why* people feel the need to lash out at other bloggers, but it is quite interesting to watch.
05 September 2009, 2:31 pm
Great point in #9 - “Basic no-no’s: using twitter to barf out slogans instead of having human-to-human interactions, using a blog for the same purpose, emailing mysterious pitches with no discernible relation to blogging or bloggers and no express call to action”
05 September 2009, 3:38 pm
I love this post! All so very true.
06 September 2009, 3:51 am
I’m with you on all of these. I’m thrilled to know I’m not alone.
My middle sister is the queen of spam chain mail forwards and it drives me insane. I often say, “She’s too smart to be this dumb.”
The people who don’t check snopes drive me insane too (the same sister is one of them). It takes 10-30 seconds to look something up before forwarding misinformation to everyone.
Great list and you’re not alone in your bewilderment.
06 September 2009, 5:58 am
Hilarious, and SO true!
06 September 2009, 12:28 pm
i have a question, if you are following a thousand some odd people when do you have time to read them? are follow/ers like some kind of game? do you get a prize if you have more followers than i do?
o, if i get your emails, why should i also get your rss feed?
i don’t mind twitter for you but why do i have to follow you there as well!
06 September 2009, 4:43 pm
uck! not directed at you…my frustration and what i don’t get!!! the you was the general you, not the cancan you. i am twitter frustrated.
and there are contest bloggers that want you to get their emails and they want you to subscribe to their rss feed and facebook and…you get the idea. i have no problem posting for someone everywhere and linking it back or even blogging about it if i am really excited, but i don’t understand why people feel i must join them everywhere.
again, this is not directed at you. it is my problem that i don’t understand. but then i am not a contest blogger so i don’t know what the rules are.
06 September 2009, 10:28 pm
This is a brilliant post! And so, so, so, SO true. I agree with all TEN things and will probably be up all night pondering them.
Thanks a lot.
07 September 2009, 4:45 am
I love this post - interesting observations that I’m sure we all wonder about. I don’t get #7 though - how stupid. If I win something, I am over the moon. I don’t even email if I don’t get it until it’s been a month! ungrateful people drive me crazy…
07 September 2009, 3:03 pm
Great list. I especially hate it when companies try to get you to advertise by writing a post about their new fall fashions when you have a blog about travel and they are offering you nothing. Sure Kmart, I’ll get right on that… I don’t get google page rank either. But it has become increasingly important.
09 September 2009, 4:40 am
Great post… I agree with them all. I cannot believe people would not be gracious when they won something, that is just so awful! I would never NOT say thank you, and acknowledge the person who took the time to host a giveaway, that’s common courtesy!
20 September 2009, 11:43 pm
[...] View original post here: Top 10 Unexplained Phenomena Of The Internet, by Candice Broom … [...]
11 March 2010, 5:02 pm
as far as google page rank goes, there are a few reasons why it is hard to fully understand it, and why explanations are so fuzzy. The algorythim and method behind it is a big trade secret for google, so they dont want just anyone to know exactly how it works. They will give you a basic idea of how it is established if you ever watch the documentary Google: Behind the screen (Which you can watch through google videos).
Also, because it isnt something that is easily explained and is a fairly complex concept that generally doesnt work over the course of a normal conversation