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Adopting a Newborn: What Happens At The Hospital?

What Happens at the Hospital?
In this guest post, Robyn shares her experience meeting her newborn adoptive son at the hospital. She has lots of good advice on her website for parents who are traveling this same road!

Every adoption book tells you what to do to get the baby, and what to do once you get home with the baby. But no adoption book tells you what to do when the baby is actually born.
We were lucky to be asked to attend our son’s birth. His birth mom (whom I’ll call S) wanted to be induced, and the procedure was scheduled for January 13. We thought it would all go smoothly, the baby would be born, and S and I would get to hold him and love him.
The first problem: January 13 was the Friday before Martin Luther King, Jr’s, birthday, a holiday. If the baby was born on Friday, she and the baby would be released from the hospital on Sunday or Monday, before court. The baby couldn’t go anywhere with us until we went to court, the hospital wouldn’t keep him, and insurance wouldn’t pay for the extra day(s) anyway. S was frantic, because she didn’t have anything ready to take care of the baby. She had to reschedule the induction for Monday.
The second problem: The hospital took S in at 5 am. They gave her a shot of pitocin, and then told her to stay in bed. Now, I’ve never given birth, but I have a good friend who’s a doula. She told me that laying in bed is exactly what NOT to do if you want to have a baby. But S did what the nurses told her. The doctors came in twice. At 9pm, one of the nurses said, “Well, let’s try pushing now.” S labored for an hour. She was begging for a C-section. The doctor came in, and without any warning, tried to feel the baby’s head. He said, “We have our mothers push for two hours.” and left. S was still sobbing. She wasn’t making any progress, though the nurse told her she was. Finally, after two hours, they said she could have her C-section. This whole time, I was powerless. I couldn’t do anything to help S or the baby, who had an erratic heartbeat.
The third problem: Once the baby was born, he was brought to the NICU, standard hospital procedure. No one had told us how to get access to the NICU. S and her mother were the only ones allowed in. Actually, S wasn’t allowed, because she was told to rest. S’s mother was, but they hustled her out in about five minutes. Our son was in the NICU, alone, for most of the first 24 hours of his life. I asked a nurse if someone was holding him, and she said, “We don’t like to handle them.” As if he were a nuclear bomb!
The fourth problem: Although S asked us to be with her in the hospital, we found out afterwards that maybe she didn’t really want us there. I don’t think she was prepared for what she would be feeling, so asked us to be with her to keep her company, then later realized that she didn’t get much alone time with the baby. It’s a tough line to cross. Because the hospital staff was so frustrating, we really wanted to get Jack out of there. Consequently, S didn’t get to spend as much time with him alone. She didn’t ask us for time, we only found out after the fact.
The fifth problem: Although we had given the hospital our contact and insurance information, they got it wrong. We were able to correct it, and our insurance was billed, no problems. Six months later, we got a call from a collection agency, asking for $800. It turns out that the doctor who had seen Jack in the NICU worked out of a different clinic, and that clinic hadn’t bothered to call the hospital to get the updated information. Almost three years later, we still haven’t been reimbursed for that $800. (Tip: NEVER pay a collection agency if you don’t know what they’re talking about. I love my husband, but, come on! That’s only common sense.)

I wrote a list of questions to ask the expectant mom and the hospital social worker. Don’t assume your agency or attorney will take care of this. Our agency representative said she would take care of contacting the hospital, but never did. You can find that list and more about our adoption story here!

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